You are worth more than what you can produce.

Even when you feel that you don’t do enough, are not enough,

you are still precious in God’s sight.

Your worth has already been established,

even when you do nothing.

You are worth His Son,

Jesus.

When you forget that this is so,

or are convinced that it cannot be,

Remember that your conviction is not required.

There is no reason,

It does not make sense,

It is not tied to anything that you do,

It’s called Grace.

I have been going to a short course at my church every Tuesday night, and something Pastor Murray said last Tuesday really spoke to me. He said that you can get passion for something in your life, but without vision, this passion will die out. He also spoke about how once you get that vision, you need to put in place practical steps to work towards it, to study and to get around people with similar dreams.

I totally get where he was coming from. Recently, I have been feeling very lost: I have reached my goal of becoming a teacher, but without any vision I had for my life I have felt a bit like, what now?

 Murray asked me what dream or vision has God put in my life? I told him that I had two very different ones and I didn’t know how they fit together. The first was a prophetic word spoken to me a couple of years ago by a guest speaker at our church. She said that my words would reach millions. At the time I assumed she was talking about my songs, but since I haven’t been writing songs prolifically for the last few years, now I’m not so sure. Perhaps it was talking about my fiction, but how this could be used for God’s plan I’m not so sure. Maybe it was talking about my spoken words or something more abstract. I suppose only God knows.

The next ‘vision’ was about education. More specifically, bringing education to underdeveloped areas. Murray asked me if I had taken any practical steps towards this vision and I told him that actually I already had taken a big step toward it. 

 It all started a few years ago. I had been a legal assistant for five years and I knew without a doubt that this was not what I wanted to do with my life. It was a respectable job, it paid well and I was good at it. But still I knew I was not on the right path. I was 24, with a job in the public service, but no direction. So, to point me somehow, I remember doing an online career test. It asked if I could change anything in the world what would it be? My answer was about eradicating poverty by giving people opportunities. More specifically, bringing education into impoverished communities to give them the opportunity of getting out of the cycle of poverty. The theory is that those now educated members of the community would come back and make a positive impact on the community as a whole.

This ‘revelation’ is what pushed me towards studying TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages) and lead to me now teaching English at the University of Canberra.

That night really put things into focus for me and has made me realise that the reason I have been feeling so lost is because I had had no vision in my sights.

Afterwards my friend, Rachael, asked me if I’d ever thought of writing a blog. In truth, I did have a blog dedicated to my writing, which I hardly ever update and I am sure no one reads. She said that I should start one about what got me to this point. I told her that I never thought there was any point because who would want to read about my life? She said that she would, and that she actually found some things that I have done quite inspiring. For example, giving up my cushy job as a legal assistant to work in a scungy old pub so I could finish my TESOL course.

So that’s why I’m here. 

I don’t really know if I want to start a blog, but maybe it can be of use for a couple of things. One, to keep me on track with my journey. Two, to keep myself accountable in regards to my Christian walk. 

There are questions though. How much will I reveal of myself? Do I really want to talk about God and the Christian aspect of my life? This can be quite sensitive/controversial, and maybe people don’t want to read about my spirituality. But why not be completely open? Is there any point in writing a blog without complete honesty?

And, when I come to think of it, is there really anything I can say that no one else has ever been through or thought of?